I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
