Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
We need a shit load of segways right now
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
