Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
