Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
