my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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