Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
