okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
