So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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