you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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