my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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