I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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