OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
