then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Randomize
