I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
He shit in the fireplace
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
