I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
