i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
