Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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