also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
