saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
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I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
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MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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