I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
