I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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