She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
