I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
