I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
