the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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