so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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