When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
