they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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