Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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