..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
