I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
