Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
