The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
