Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
