what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
The beer is more important than you right now.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
