I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
