Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
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im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
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I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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