I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
