Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
