We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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