Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
