But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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