he referred to my room as the tit cave...
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
