Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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