Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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