after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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