omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize