Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
