We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize