Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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