Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I am available for nakedness
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
