who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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