I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
