I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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