feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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