girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
