Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
