i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
