TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
