life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize