Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
