I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
