Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I want a musical about memes.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
