Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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