She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
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