never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
