The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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